his post is an answer to a submitted question. It aims to provide help and solutions to overcome the issue.
Podcast version: HERE
Quote: ““Every time we avoid our emotions it makes them louder.””
Adding to the quote.
What I want to add to this quote is, when we run, avoid, suppress, cope, find something externally to solve the negative emotion we are in a way making it stronger. We are giving that emotion some attention by way of training your brain that it dangerous, it’s “bad” harmful, and this results in this anxiety, anger, or what ever the negative emotion is, it reinforces it, with each time, each occurrence it acts as evidence that that thing, in this case, a social media post has some power over your.. You’re now a victim to social media…
“How do you deal with negativity on social media??
My Response if we were in a coaching setting. Although without being able to ask questions, I may assume or use scenarios to fill in the gaps.
I am sorry you're having that experience (or anyone reading this is having similar). It’s pretty common and understandable how you get to this place.
Where do all feelings come from the high, the low, the good the bad?
What if feelings didn’t come from a downvote, a comment or how someone reacts to a neutral post? What if you see that, understand that.. Then what?
What if no feeling comes from anything outside of you?
How would your life change if you once thought everything meant something, that everything felt like a personal attack, that everyone was mean, awful and terrible?
If, downvotes could inject feelings into us humans a teddy bear would be worth billions of dollars. Think about it, a teddy bear doesn't inject feelings of love, safety, and security into us.
How would life be if we are in a state of believing everything meant something towards us?
When we believe our feelings come from outside of us we suffer. Mentally, emotionally and well it physically has a tremendous impact on us too.
Does someone in traffic tailgating you have the power to inject feelings of anger and rage into you?
Does a movie have the power to inject feelings of fear or sadness into you?
Does someone complimenting you on your outfit have the power to inject feelings of happy, appreciated, seen, or fashionable?
When driving on ice and snow the first time does the road conditions inject feelings of worry, fear and anxiety in you?
None of these can. Unless you believe they do..
Where do all your feelings come from?
We are thinking, feeling, beings.
We first think, then feel our thoughts, then we do things.
What does expectations lead to?
Usually if we expect something to work out a certain way especially in some way to fill a unmet need we have and it doesn’t work out, disappointment is one feeling that can arise
To the person that submitted the request.. Likely your post what ever it was, it was well meaning, and your expectations were it would be well received.
Expectations, really don't usually benefit us, we sorta set ourselves up for being bummed out.. The things that we do with little to no expectations if they fall flat, well no big deal, pivot and try again right? We funny little humans tend to only recall the ones that don't work out, and let that overshadow our next move, or stop short from success.
The internet is an unfiltered wild west, with individuals that may not be sober, could be having a bad day, in a bad mood, misunderstand your message, not understand it, it showed up on their screen at the wrong place wrong time, or they are deeply suffering and taking it out on you.
So what if nothing external had no power over you?
Can you name something that injects feelings into you? From external sources?
What if your mental, emotional, experience didn't have to be at the mercy of others?
Wouldn't that be freeing?
Wouldn't that free up so much energy and thought that you could do so much more with your days, weeks and months?
You'd understand yourself so much better, and realize that you are not your thoughts, and things that are external aren't in your control.
When we feel a feeling that negative it's simply a signal. One that's protecting you in some way.
There's a story, context from somewhere sometime in your life that is indicating something most likely deeper than what you're fully aware of deeper than the embarrassment, feeling like you did something wrong, usually not feeling good enough or something along those lines.
What ends up happening is the anxiety or what ever the negative feeling is, gets strong because you found proof, you validated the story the context that your "mind" made up and your world shrinks. Just like deleting the comment.
Next time you think about posting your "mind" will alert you, danger danger danger. It's protecting you that's all. Thoughts aren't real, they are simply energy produced by your brain that's one job is to keep you safe.
I hope this helps. I wish you all the best. Please share this with anyone you believe would benefit from the insights. Post a comment, I read and reply to them all. Thank you in advance!
If you want to send a question, please send to [email protected] please include:
A coachable question (something that addresses what's in your control, your thoughts, feelings or actions.)
And context, explain a situation in the past, currently going through, or worries/concerns of the future, giving me some details on your thoughts and feelings about it.