“My kids deserve better than a fat mom.”

By Katherine Hood on May 01, 2024


Submitted Request..

This post is an answer to a submitted question. It aims to provide help and solutions to overcome the issue.

Podcast version: HERE

Quote: “When you see the simplicity in things the complexity fades away.”

Adding to the quote:

I believe that as human beings, we have a tendency to make things more complicated than they need to be, especially when it comes to things that we desire but perceive as being beyond our grasp or challenging. This tendency to overcomplicate can often stem from a fear of failure or a lack of confidence in our abilities. Instead of embracing challenges and approaching them with a positive mindset, we often let self-doubt and negative thoughts cloud our judgment. It is important to remember that many of the things we perceive as difficult or out of reach are often within our capabilities, and by simplifying our approach and breaking tasks down into smaller steps, we can achieve success more easily. Seek for ways to simplify what you want, take one tiny step, one day at a time. 

Submitted Question

“My kids deserve better than a fat mom. 

It is so hard to stay motivated and work towards my goals. I have planned on countless occasions to wake up early and exercise before the kids even wake up, but I always end up hitting snooze and waking up as they do. It's hard to run around with my kids without getting out of breath. Every outing feels like it takes everything out of me, even just taking the kids across the street to the park. I want to be able to play with them, run around with them without being out of breath just by walking. How do I start? I've tried starting small, forming new habits and ditching bad ones, going all out, and eating better by cooking at home. However, I always end up back to where I was after just a week of doing well. I give up if I take one wrong step. For example, "oops I ate a piece of chocolate, guess this didn't work out" or "oops I missed a day of exercise, guess I'm done." What do, I do? How do I truly start and hold myself accountable? ” 

My Response if we were in a coaching setting. Although without being able to ask questions, I may assume or use scenarios to fill in the gaps.

I can get a sense of the challenges you're facing as you read through this submitted question.

It's clear that you're experiencing a sense of frustration and struggling to maintain consistency.

There's also some difficulty or perhaps inability to navigate through a missed day and being ok with it. It's okay to face challenges, and being kind to yourself is essential in overcoming obstacles.  

Doing hard things isn’t sustainable, never will be.

What I mean by that statement is our brain doesn’t like things that are hard, difficult, challenging, painful, awful, dreadful or no fun for long. Anything that feels uncomfortable, or unfamiliar to our outdated brain sees as danger and will sabotage us sooner than later. 

Sounds like you want something that’s easy, fun, and can fit into your busy schedule. What would that look like?

I get the impression that this is important and you've tried a few things that didn’t pan out, and that’s super normal. What I also know is that the feeling of hopelessness will keep you stuck in this pattern of yo yo dieting and stopping and starting to work out. 

I hear the importance to you, of this situation and acknowledge that you have made several attempts that have not yielded the desired results. It is completely normal to face challenges and setbacks in the journey towards achieving any goals. I would be curious if I was coaching you want setbacks you have faced, and overcame in your life.

I bet you've done hard things, you have kids so I know you have!

How did you navigate the most difficult things that you came out the other side and felt proud and stuck it out?

Sometimes there's clues in these experiences in how you work best, often in the space of your thoughts, how who you were when you faced adversity. 

What I know is human’s more specifically our funny little human brain, will easily pick up a habit that has two things, feels good and familiar. So in order to create a habit, and have it stick it’s working with that simple truth of how our brain works. Takes making it feel good, and understanding where your feelings come from, not just logically but literally. And making that thing, in this case working out, familiar, and that means with repetition and that is different person to person and case by case what the frequency is.

Motivation is just a word, that is a feeling. 

Where do feelings come from? All feelings, the good, the bad, the high and low?? 

From your thoughts.

So how do you create motivating thoughts? 

Well that’s for you to explore and figure out. In coaching sessions we dive into that, for a word, a thought can have different meanings from person to person. Motivation it’s a supplement, a pill, a potion or a lotion, it’s a thought that sets your heart on fire to do the thing. Doing it without thinking, you just do it for it’s really important to you, without delay, you take action and get it done. If there’s a pause that gives our ego a chance to chime in and tell you that you deserve a rest day or how there’s other fun exciting things to do that demand that you relax and take a break. 

When we paint a picture or feed our brain that something is going to feel hard, difficult, a struggle, a battle or impossible generates a negative feeling in your body, this may be noticeable or it may not be. Working with clients consistently over months increases their awareness and consciousness levels. They are super keen and notice that their thoughts create body sensations and they are more alert to the sneaky ego getting involved and have the skills built up to acknowledge that sneaky saboteur voice that stops them.

How do you generate a positive good feeling that has you working WITH your brain not against it?  

  • Motivation is one word, but what other feeling words can you come up with? What is it that you envision doing? 

  • Who are you being when you are doing it? 

  • Are there other people with you doing it? What’s the positive words and feelings attached to doing this physical activity that you see in your imagination? 

  • What feels doable and easy on a frequency or amount of time? What if we were to set the bar lower whatever that is and make it so easy you can do it even on a bad day? 

  • What sort of movement can you do that stimulates feeling like there’s hope and possibility? 

  • If you were able to describe to me a unicorn day, a day that at the end of it you felt good that you showed up in a small way, what would that look like, describing it in a way that I can envision it and it paints a picture in my mind? 

When you tap into your imagination and creative thinking, you unlock a world of endless possibilities.

It is through this process that you truly come to understand yourself on a deeper level. 

No one knows you better than you know yourself, and it is important to remember that what works for one person may not necessarily work for another. It is only through self-discovery and empowerment that you can effectively tackle the challenges that life throws your way. 

By embracing your uniqueness and individuality, you can find solutions that resonate with your true self, leading to figuring out the first steps to changing your habit of thought. You see the problem isn't the exercise or the food, it's your stories, belief in yourself, feeling that you are worthy and capable. 

Remember, progress is not always linear, and it is okay to seek support and guidance along the way.

Coaching is great for this or someone to hold you accountable, often friends and family can do this for a bit, but they too have busy lives. 

If I told you that I would walk with you every single day and meet you at the curb in front of your house, but on day one I didn't show up, on day two I didn't show up, on day three I didn't show up, on day four I didn't show up, and so on and so forth after day 10, would you trust me? Probably not. In fact, I know you wouldn't. This is the same thing we do when we don't show up for ourselves. When we say we're going to work out every single day and instead do something different, we're breaking down the trust within ourselves. In order to rebuild that trust, it's important to set realistic small goals to accomplish each day, so you can show up every single day, even on the worst possible day.

Anyways, I hope this is helpful. Good luck

 

I wish you all the best. 

Please share this with anyone you believe would benefit from the insights. Post a comment, I read and reply to them all. Thank you in advance!

If you want to send a question, please send to [email protected] please include: 

  • A coachable question (something that addresses what's in your control, your thoughts, feelings or actions.)

  • And context, explain a situation in the past, currently going through, or worries/concerns of the future, giving me some details on your thoughts and feelings about it. 

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